No Dough

How about some more Catholic-ish stories? This past weekend I was honored to perform the wedding of Jeff and Kristin in Louisville, Kentucky. They are an amazing couple. Kristin was working on a law degree from Chase at NKU and found us on the interwebs. Jeff was from San Antonio, got a job here in Cincy and a friend-of-a-friend connected him to Kristin. And the rest they say . . .

I should note that the church building in which they were wed was fantastic. Amazing stained glass and woodwork. They had a communion table that was about five feet tall. I conducted the ceremony from the floor, which left very little space to maneuver around. But I'm a can-do guy and wasn't worried about it.

While Kristin is a practicing Protestant [that's fun to write for some odd reason] her family is mostly Catholic. Since Protestant weddings differ greatly from Catholic wedding masses, I do my best to carefully explain the different aspects of the ceremony to the crowd. Additionally, I'll try to make things more familiar to them. For example, there's the Lord's Prayer. My new school Protestantism asks forgiveness from "our debts as we forgive our debtors." Catholics [and old school Protestants], however, ask to be forgiven "of our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." While I'm usually a "debtor" guy, I'll swing to "trespass" in a Catholic crowd.

Anyway, Jeff and Kristen decided that they wanted to have communion served during the ceremony, so we planned out the specifics at the rehearsal. Fast forward to the service when communion time rolls around. I pick up the bread and chalice [which is rather full] and realize that the close quarters put me within very close proximity to the bride and her very expensive, very white dress. I must admit that I've never been in that situation and was very nervous. Knowledgeable of the fact that spilling a cup full of the fruit of the vine on a wedding dress would be something I would never recover from, I tightly grasped the cup and held it close to my chest.

After the prayer, I served the couple, and then had to serve the rest of the bridal party. This meant again maneuvering around the dress, which I believe grew even whiter as I navigated my way to the bridesmaids, all while holding the cup like a parachutist holds their ripcord. Unfortunately, all my attention was on the cup and I didn't realize I was holding the plate of bread at a slight angle. Sure enough, half of the bread hit the floor at the feet of the maid of honor. Yet fortunately, no one in the audience saw the bread hit the floor and I played it off.* And like a miniature miracle at Zarepheth, there was still enough bread to go around.

Immediately after communion I offered another prayer, after which I had the audience join me in the Lord's Prayer. Like I said, I was concentrating on the whole "trespasses verses debts" line, wanting to get it out properly. Well apparently in my zeal to be accommodating, I skipped right over the line, "Give us this day our daily bread." I had no idea until after the ceremony when Kelly told me. Amazingly no one in the audience pointed that out to me later.

So there was something about bread and me last Saturday. I just couldn't handle it in any form. Not quite sure what that was all about.

Kinda unfortunate too, as it was a beautiful wedding and I really like bread.

*For my Catholic friends, the thought of the bread hitting the floor might be more offensive than I reflected here because of the doctrine of transubstantiation. We Protestants do not view the Eucharist in the same way, so my dropping the bread wasn't a theological violation, but just your standard reason for embarrassment. Additionally, I don't have to polish off the rest of the elements after communion, which I sorta appreciate.