About Grandma

My Grandmother died last Friday.

It's been a bizarre week dealing with this reality. It was not entirely unexpected; she had congestive heart failure and has been deteriorating throughout the past year. She had also been struggling with dementia the past few years, not knowing exactly who I was for almost a year now. I saw her a few Wednesdays ago and when I next saw her, one week later, she had lost almost twenty pounds. I knew as I left her then, kissing her on the forehead, that this would be the last time I saw her. She passed away in her sleep early Friday morning.

These times are difficult for anyone but I then transition into "pastor mode." I knew I would be conducting the funeral, so I begin to assess what needs to be said. This is always a challenge, as it becomes my duty not only to summarize the life of a person who means much to me, but to do her memory justice to the rest of my family as well. This is why it's difficult to perform the funeral of a family member— you have to create some space to ensure that you can do your job. Fortunately, the memorial ceremony is Sunday, almost eight days after her passing, which has given me time to get this accomplished.

I suppose this is why I've been in a funk this week (duh). While I was extremely productive last week, I got very little accomplished since Friday. In addition to regular tasks, I've been putting together the slide presentation of my grandmother's life, as well as trying to craft the right words for the ceremony. Not arduous work, obviously, but my mind is working overtime. I'm so immersed in the situation that I don't deal with it.

My grandmother lived in the same house as us most of my childhood. She remarried when I was ten and it was two years later that my mom's parents moved in with us. So throughout the formative years of my life I always had grandparents around. I never knew how much of a blessing this was. They ate with us daily, took us places, and were practically second parents to us. Sure, it made the relationship a little more complicated than your average grandparent/grandchild relationship (we were never spoiled by our grandparents because they always saw us) but it is an experience I would never give back.

And, finally, I'm facing the fact that all of my grandparents are now gone. While many reading this might already have this situation (with some friends my age already having lost their parents) this is new to me. My mind wonders towards future losses and what the future holds.

All in all, it's a fascinating intersection of life, death, my psyche, and my vocation. I'm mourning, but I also need to lead people out of mourning to celebration of the life that was lived.

And the final blessing her is that my grandmother made the most of her existence, making my job much easier. So while she helped me throughout my life, she's still helping me when she's gone.

Don't P*** On the 'Nati

I know quite a few people that read the blog live here in Cincinnati, many in the suburban parts of town. Still, you've tolerated the past four years of my pro-city polemic, listening to me laud the benefits of Cincinnati on a constant basis. So as not to disappoint, I felt it was necessary for me to at least use this space to comment on the recent study naming OTR [a nearby Cincinnati community] the most dangerous neighborhood in America.

My verdict: this is the dumbest thing I have perhaps ever read.

I wish I had more time to deconstruct this article [although you can find some good efforts here, here, and here], but it is flawed beyond belief. All over talk radio and local media people are relying on the claim that "the numbers don't lie." But it is not the numbers lying, rather that the math is an absolute failure. A study is only as good as the academic integrity upon which it stands. There is an inconsistency in number crunching here that should be criticized and yet the media here in Cincinnati is too lazy to do that work.

Why wouldn't the local media try to refute this? Because it enables the stereotyping and demonization of the city that many in the suburbs eat for breakfast— feeding the "thank God I don't live there" mentality. This bad news is what sells, so the local press will avert their eyes to the truth and focus on the money. It's truly sad that many residents of the Greater Cincinnati area, those who would have nothing apart from the past 200+ years of our city's existence, choose to ABUSE IT and PILLAGE ITS ASSETS rather than acknowledge it as a blessing. Is this city perfect? By no means. But are there people here worth fighting for? Without a doubt.

If you care to disagree with me and are falling for this "study" hook, line, and sinker, I would suggest a wager: I will stand out on a street corner in Over-the-Rhine at night and you can stand out on a corner of my choosing in another major metropolitan area [currently, I'm leaning towards some neighborhoods in urban Detroit]. We'll see who fares better. I suspect I'd live to tell about it.

Look, I'm not saying OTR is the safest place to be, but it is improving. Over the past four years I've met scores of people in tough neighborhoods throughout our city who are trying to make their communities safer. It does a major disservice to their commitment to allow a ridiculous statement like this to stand unprotested.

Finally, if you can't stomach my rhetoric, let me give a personal example. Numerous times this past year my wife and daughter have ventured into this "worst neighborhood" without me. In the midst of this "warzone" is Findlay Market, one of our city's best treasures. As they were there, I did not fear for their safety but was grateful to live in a city where they could have such a unique experience. And I'm sure they'll go back again soon. I wouldn't put my family in harm's way. I wouldn't let my family venture into the worst neighborhood in America without me.

Just because you don't live here doesn't mean you have to hate it.

Open Letter to a Car Thief

Good morning!

I hope you slept well last night, but I'm sure you lost a little sleep when you were up at 2am trying to break into my car. I should've let you know earlier that my driver's side door lock is broken. So even though it's actually open, enabling you to access my Explorer by just opening the door, the alarm is actually on. That's why while you thought you were being sneaky, my rather obnoxious horn started blaring at you. Too bad you weren't actually able to take anything in the excitement. You did succeed at getting me out of bed, but I was pretty ticked so I wouldn't have been to congenial in my introduction if we had met.

Actually, the main reason for my correspondence it so ask: what were you trying to take? A couple of years ago I learned the hard way by leaving some church equipment in the back of the Explorer where someone performed a smash and grab. Through that experience, I paid my "dumb tax" and learned that you never leave anything of value in your car overnight— ever.

Since you might be thoroughly disappointed this morning, thinking of what you might have taken from my car, I've decided to give you an itemized list of what was up for grabs. For your convenience, I've added the approximate street value to the items so you can see your potential losses.

Child's Car Seat
Condition: New.
Notes: By far, the most valuable thing you could've scored
Approximate Street Value: $10.00

Baby Stroller
Condition: Slightly Used.
Notes: Just too bulky for you to carry away. You want take this.
Approximate Street Value: $8.00

Soccer Cleats
Condition: Used.
Notes: They're just a junk Nike pair I purchased at Play-It-Again Sports I leave in my car just in case.
Approximate Street Value: $3.00

7-Iron
Condition: Used
Notes: Just in case I want to hit a couple practice balls.
Approximate Street Value: $4.00

Stuffed Ducky
Condition: Slightly Used
Notes: My daughters' companion for our road trips.
Approximate Street Value: $1.00

Car Air Filter
Condition: New
Notes: Only fits 1996-2001 Ford Trucks.
Approximate Street Value: $4.00

Restaurant Napkins
Condition: New.
Notes: In the glove compartment in case there's a mess.
Approximate Street Value: $0.00

Beyond my stereo** there's honestly nothing left in there worth taking. I guess you could've stolen the vehicle itself, but that makes no sense; it is, by far, the least desirable car in our parking lot. So the whole take would've netted you $30.00. Is $30 worth the possibility of getting caught and imprisoned (not that we have any room in our jails to keep you)? When I ask that, I assume that this wasn't your first attempt at theft and that they would find other stuff on you as well.

And if it was, by chance, your first attempt at breaking into cars, I'd say you're off to a bad start; you're clearly no good at this. Might I suggest some other method of fleecing the general public, such as TV weatherman?

In closing, thanks for nothing. Now I'll be tired all day and both of us leave this experience empty-handed.

Sincerely,
Steve Carr

___________________
*If, by some chance, it was you who broke into my car a couple years back, then I am grateful that you didn't break any windows this time. But, seriously, aren't there other cars that are more likely to have better stuff in them?

**It's my understanding that not many thieves try to steal factory installed ones. I'm not sure the 1999 Ford Explorer stereo has any street value, hence, it was not included on the list.

A Word to the Wise

Just a thought . . .

This morning I read an article written by a PhD discussing the psychological nuances surrounding how children learn; his column included how kids should properly be reared through various childhood situations. As I read the article I laughed to myself thinking that the person's analysis was off-base and somewhat subjective. Still, the author wrote as if he/she were an expert so I read on until the end.

It was at the conclusion of the article that I discovered the person's academic credentials: their doctorate was in theology. I'm not saying a theology degree is worthless [cough, cough] but it is somewhat disingenuous to speak as if you're an authority on a topic when you're merely a hack.*

This made me think about the voices to which we listen. Apparently this PhD has quite a following— there are people who lap up his/her opinions like a thirsty dog in the middle of summer— even though he/she is frequently misguided. This reading experience leads me to offer two observations for you.

1. Not everyone is an expert on everything Just because someone SPEAKS authoritatively doesn't mean that they ARE an authority. When you read a column or listen to a personality, there's a good chance that they have absolutely no significant knowledge about what they're talking about. Sure, there are people who know a little about a lot [Steve raises his hand], but I'd rather hear from those who know a lot about a little. As someone whose expertise is rather small, I try to know the limitations on my experience and knowledge. I'll offer up my opinion freely, but I watch myself so that I don't claim that they're anything more than opinions.

By the way, this is why you should beware of only reading books by certain authors or listening to certain speakers. A little diversity in your diet will do you well.

Still, there is another point that we need to grasp:

2. Not no one isn't an expert on nothing I'm sure my more grammatically-minded readers just stopped reading this post but for those left behind, stick with me. My point is that there is knowledge in our world that can be obtained. There are people out there who have devoted lifetimes studying certain subjects. Sure, there is always a subjective element to each person's epistemology [that's not a cuss word], but you cannot dismiss it altogether. I know some highly skeptical people who refuse to listen to anyone other than themselves because they're deconstructionist. I don't want to go all philosophical/X-Files here, but the truth IS out there. We should be on the lookout for wisdom wherever it might be.

Of course, I guess you could dismiss the whole post as coming from someone who has no idea what he's talking about.

Do as you must.

__________

*I should say, in case you're wondering, that the PhD was not expounding the biblical method of child rearing but was spouting off pop psychology, so he/she was way outside of his/her expertise.

11 June

A collection of links, personal tales, and such:

• Attention Facebookers and Twits [or whatever they call those who use Twitter]. This article is probably talking about you.
• A lady who was late to the airport and missed being on board the doomed Air France from Brazil was killed the next week in a car accident. <insert your own observation as neccessary>
• I am all over Manchester Orchestra right now, and not because the band name sounds like Manchester United. Speaking of international football, Real Madrid is spending like they won the Powerball.
• According to a blog I frequent, the way I preach at Echo would not be acceptable in a Catholic Mass. To be fair, I'm sure the whole "me not being Catholic" wouldn't be acceptible there either. I understand the objection that you don't want to make worship service into a classroom but, to many people, learning more about God IS an act of worship. And it's hard for me to imagine the downside to getting people to know more about the Bible.
• Kelly's iBook decided to die this week. Logic board failure. I was stoked because, even though it was a brick, I was get it to boot up by shoving some quarters under the keyboard. I . . . AM . . . McGRUBER!
• I'm focused this summer on fixing up our condo. Since the housing bubble has burst, we've decided that we'll be in our place for longer than we originally imagined. So since we're here, we have to fix up the cheap paint job on our joint. We'll just slap up the same color, but use a better brand of paint. We're just getting started and Kaelyn already likes the concept of spackling.
• Additionally, we're finally committed to filling the empty wall space. I designed some art pieces that we were able to print out online onto canvases. I made three pieces to hang on our tall wall between our two lower floors. I took some pictures of local landmarks and made them look "artsy." They turned out really well and I finally hung them this afternoon using a ladder on our kitchen table. Stop by if you want to see them sometime, or you can check them out here.
• In a related note, the fact that $75,000 was spent to develop a new logo for our city is ridiculous. Fortunately tax-payer money was not spent on the project, but this is still absurd. If they were smart, they would've made it a contest and given a $1,000 prize to the winner. In today's world, you shouldn't have to pay that much for something so lack-luster.
• And speaking of design, my friend and tech advisor Brian got all my new web domains set up so now I can start knocking out some of my website designing.
• The advantages to having a DVR and cable stations you rarely watch? MTV2 is showing episodes of The State at 2am.
• Best commercial song right now: the group in a cab singing Biz Markie. "Oh baby you . . . " [I had no idea it was Heineken commercial. Again, when I pay no attention to your product placement, how effective is it?]
• I have a lot of pots on the fire right now. It's very . . . interesting.

More later.

Still Content

When I was thinking about a title for this post, I figured "Contentment" would be a good summary. Then I realized that I just wrote a blog post with that title back in March.

I guess I've been thinking a lot about contentment this year.

Just this past Sunday I concluded my sermon from Paul's letter to the Philippians where he offers,

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Paul unveils this secret in the next verse:

I can do everything through [God] who gives me strength.

They say that you can always tell what a minister is struggling with by what he preaches, so you might assume that I'm haven't a hard time with contentment right now. But that's not the case.

Actually, I'm more content than I've ever been. But even when you're content, you must constantly remind yourself of it. Otherwise, you may begin to replace the ultimate source of contentment [read: God] with other things. And almost always, the replacement is detrimental to our ultimate contentment.

Yesterday I read about another high-profile minister who had an affair. This guy had a national audience who was held captive by his every word; he was seen as the measure of success. And yet this wasn't enough to make him content— he had to have more. Unfortunately, the result of his drive cost him his job, perhaps will cause Christians to lose faith in the church, and will be a scar on his family life the rest of his life.

I'm not saying this to kick a guy when he's down, as he's obviously not the only person this has happened to. Examine any recent major scandal [Berlusconi, Madoff, steroids] and you discover that it's usually the result of someone trying to manufacture contentment. It would be foolish for us not to heed these examples as a warning in our own lives.

Ask yourself what you're chasing in this world and why. It might seem antithetical to the American dream, but maybe you need to find a pace where you can just be happy with what you've got.

By the way, it's things like this that make it easier for me to maintain my level of contentment.

All Talk

I have these ideas, see. Lots of ideas.

But they don't always come to fruition. For instance, about three years ago I had this idea about a Tetris book. Unfortunately, they owners of the franchise didn't see the vision. But that don't stop me [grammatical mistake intended] as I'll keep the ideas a comin'.

My problem is that I sometimes view these ideas as long-term projects and, every once in awhile, someone else beats me to the punch.

Case in point: I read today about a new documentary entitled Google Me. The creator Googled himself, making a list of people who share his name so he could interview them; it supposed to be a journey of discovery. Nice idea.

I swear, I had it first.

But since I'm not a film-maker, my idea revolved around a book with the same premise. I had a bookmark folder in my web browser with a collection of other Steve Carr's around the globe [the soccer player, the movie producer, and the atheist are a few examples] for awhile. Occasionally, when I was board, I'd search deeper in my Google searches so I could identify better candidates to interview.

You might counter that it was my apathy that kept it from actually happening. I offer that it's just not the kind of book someone would pay me to do without a successful track record. And since I haven't had a lot of down time, it was one of those shelved ideas. I guess I can de-shelve this one.

So there's another idea that I missed out on. But the well's not dry, as I've got plenty of other ideas. Feel free to offer up those ideas you had that would've made you rich.

I won't be losing sleep about it.

Don't Say Anything!

I'm not exactly sure when it happened— most likely, sometime in the last week or so:

We have now reached the point where we cannot have adult conversations in front of Kaelyn.

During the last 40 months of parenting much about our lives has changed. But one thing that wasn't affected was our ability to openly talk freely in front of the little girl. I could rant about anything, indict anyone, and even freely offer up borderline words while driving and she'd be oblivious. It was a good life.

Sometime last week I said something under my breath [for the life of me, I can't remember what but it was definitely PG, if not PG-13 (at the very least it wasn't Disney material)] and Kaelyn repeated it verbatim. Apparently this wasn't an aberration as tonight, while Kaelyn was with us in the kitchen, I told Kelly I was going to give her some potato chips. Kelly, in a low voice, responded, "don't say anything about that because she doesn't need it." Although she missed my earlier mention about the chips, Kaelyn heard everything her mother said and repeated, "Daddy, don't say anything!"

It's all different now.

Sure, we'll continue to spell out words in order to throw her off the scent, but at the rate she's learning her letters we might not have much longer until I'll have to learn sign language.

I guess I'll actually have to start watching what I say. Perhaps this discipline will benefit my life in other ways as well.