Swapping Calendars

As I sized up 2012, I told many people that it was, without a doubt, one of the most difficult years of my life. My professional challenges (both at Echo and CCU) were incredibly strenuous and it was exacerbated by the displacement caused by our condo fire (at one point I added it up and I spent only about nine-and-a-half months this year sleeping in my own bed [and this doesn't imply that Kelly forced me to sleep on the couch]). Wrapping up the year, I was as exhausted as I had ever been. I was overjoyed at the thought of kicking 2012 to the curb. Then I had a change of heart.

Even though there weren't any huge events last year that stand out, there were dozens of little vignettes that I cherished: We enjoyed our family time together. I had the chance to travel on the cheap. I took some great photos and started to learn video. I continued to develop into a solid recreational runner and played a good amount of soccer. I continued teaching and learning. I solidified some great relationships and was blessed to mentor some people around me. I continued to find contentment in what the Lord has given me.

In the end, one of the worst years I ever had was actually one of my best.

Life's like that now and then, huh? Here's looking forward to 2013.

Born

It's my birthday today. I just wanted you to know. I'm 37. What an odd number.

The best thing about my birthday is that it's right at the end of the year so I always feel like I get a true reset when I flip the calendar.

That's one of the reasons I decided to post something today. I've only had about two legitimate blog posts in the past three months. It's kinda sad and pathetic. But I'm going to do better in 2013. I know, I know, that's whats I always says. But I mean it this time.

Seriously.

This Place Still Exists

I used to feel bad when I didn't post anything here. As if I was letting someone down.

But lately, I've just felt sad. No posts here mean that I'm not carving out any time to write reflectively.

I'm actually doing quite a bit of writing right now—in emails, on social media, with copy at work, in my doctoral studies—and I feel like it's affecting me; I'm typing at blazingly fast speeds as of late. But I prefer to write here. It permits me opportunities to really be creative.

But life keeps getting in the way. The day job has been a little crazy. Fortunately, God is using Echo to minister to even me. I feel like I'm getting closer to a clearing. November looks tasty fun.

So if you still peak in here, or if you subscribe to the RSS feed, thanks for your devotion. I'll get some better content soon.

And in the meantime, I'm taking lots of pictures, posted at flickr.com/beitcarr. When I don't find time to write, I takes me pics.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys . . .

Here's the synopsis of me catching the copper thieves. Yeah, I wrote all this out, but it'll make for a good story and I can email this account to the police detective tomorrow. So two birds, one stone. I'm tired of people letting their dogs poop in our tiny front yard; there's not much grass there, and we're less than 50 yards from a huge park. And if your dog does have to go, just bag it. A couple of weeks ago I was walking into the house and managed to step in dog feces. I was incredibly angry. Since then I've used our tall front windows (which provide a great street view) to watch dog walkers. Almost all of them carry a bag with them.

That's why I noticed the lady out front this evening. In broad daylight she let her rat dog go all over our yard. At first, I thought I was over-zealous, but it was exactly what she was doing. I was putting my shoes to go yell at her and I noticed she got into the back seat of a beat-up station wagon parked in front of our house. This is bizarre because 1) with a park just feet away, no one drives their dog to poop on a yard (not even my greatest enemies) and 2) since the fire, there are only two cars parked out on the street: mine and my neighbors. And I've lived here long enough that I recognize many of the people who walk by our house. I didn't recognize this lady and she looked shifty and then I realized what was going on:

She was watching out for copper thieves at our neighbor's house.

Since the fire, we've likely had six or seven break-ins. I have the cops on speed dial. I didn't know how I was going to play it, but I decided to walk over to the burned out units to check it out. When I walked down the front stairs, the lady with the dog stared at me, and I said, "hello." I took an immediate turn up the stairs, near where the fire started, and there's a large plywood barrier that acts like a door.

I could hear people mulling around on the other side of the wall. My suspicion was confirmed.

I was angry, but not entirely stupid. That woman was their lookout, so I had to play it smart.

Still, I decided it would be sporting of me to give them a warning. The sanitized version of what I yelled was,

"Alright [boys], here's your head start. I'm calling the police."

Unfortunately, I left my phone inside, so I had to run back to my place to get it. I ran down the stairs, up the street, passing the lady with the dog. As she looked at me, I yelled at her: "better hop in the car, here they come." Once inside, I grabbed my phone and told Kelly to go get me a weapon.

Just so you know, we don't have guns in our house, but I do keep a stash of self-defense items around. I wasn't really worried at them coming to get me, because the decking out front is a very strategic position, but you can't be too safe. I called 9-1-1 as I ran back out there.

As the operator picked up, I told them I caught a robbery in process. She asked me to describe them and the automobile and, just as I did, these two yokels hop in their car. I peered toward them, describing their appearance as I scanned them.

And that's when I noticed their t-shirts: they were wearing construction t-shirts of the company who did the fire demolition.

Likely, nearly all the robberies we've had were these guys who knew exactly who they were.

At this point, I was really angry and started loudly describing them to the 9-1-1 operator, so those guys knew I got a good look at them. They started the car, and sped away . . . but their car died in the road.

No joke: it limply rolled back down the street.

I'm still describing them to the operator while staring at them and half walking toward them when one of the guys hops out of the car. He was a bit larger than I was, so I took some steps back up the stairs. By this time, Kelly was by our door with a weapon, but I told her I thought we were good. Hilariously, the guy tried to fix his car then and there. He tried over and over again, but it didn't work. So they got out of the car and started walking down the street.

Even the lady picked up her rat dog and started to jog.

So I started to jog after them.

I described this to the operator and she began to freak out. I guess with the negativity surrounding all the vigilantism justice now, she insisted I stopped. I got a good look at them as they walked up the street and a guy around the corner locked eyes with me.

"They're copper thieves!" I yelled. And he responded, "they probably broke into my car last week too!" He started to follow them but I told them that the police were on their way.

Sure enough, police showed up right then and I told them where to go. CPD's finest apprehended them in just a couple of minutes. I mean, how far can you get with a lady holding a dog, anyway?

Talking to a bike officer who made his way to the scene, I started to inspect what they did. We have lock-boxes on all the burned out units because of all the construction that happened in the weeks after the fire. Of course, as employees of the demo company, they had the codes so they wouldn't have to forcibly enter. In the back of their car was a huge box of electrical wire, which they could scrap. And when I went into the burned out units (where I had to last week because someone broke in), there was a trash can full of wire with wire cutters and saws.

They told the police that they were just in there working. Of course, their company hasn't been working on this site for almost two months, so that doesn't pan out. And my neighbor said that he saw them in the car (with the dog) hanging out in the parking lot on Sunday night.

It doesn't look to good for the bad guys.

Because they had access to the lock-boxes, the police were apprehensive to arrest them tonight because of legal protocol. I told them that I didn't care as long as they weren't allowed anywhere near this place again. As I'm typing this, I can peek on the street and someone is jumping their car, which is still broken down on the side of the road. When they're gone, I'm going to go take all the keys out of the lock boxes to make sure nothing happens tonight. I guess even more fun is to come as we set about holding them responsible for their crime.

I've been mental about this whole issue. I feel almost called to protect my neighbors homes, so I'm uber-paranoid now. I'm just glad that my suspicion was spot on.

And, if I were you, I wouldn't let your dog poop in my front yard.

A Weekend Buffet

If the 1980's taught us anything, it was the following nugget of wisdom: "Wax on, wax off."

There are few things in the world as satisfying as waxing a car. As a new driver, I discovered that a nice coat of wax can make an old car look new. My only hang up was the time-intensity; waxing a car by hand (including a good washing ahead of time), took a few hours. Still, it was worth it. I tried to give me car a good waxing a couple of times a year.

About seven years ago, my parents must have realized my passion and gave me a car buffer for Christmas.

Best gift ever.

But a few months later, our move to the city required downsizing. I reluctantly left the buffer at my parents house. The buffer spoils you, making a hand wax seem like rocking a Nokia 3310 (am I right?). So now, I almost refuse to wax without the buffer.

Which is why I like three-day weekends.

The downside to multi-dwelling city living is that, with no drive way or garden hose, car maintenance is more complicated. When it comes to caring for our rides, I prefer to do it at my parents' house in the 'burbs. But that requires losing a day to the task. But the glory of the three-day weekend is that I can squeeze it all in and still feel rested. A holiday like Memorial Day is ripe for waxing. Even though yesterday's heat was oppressive, I found a patch of shade and buffed away. After finishing, my old 1999 Exploder looked six years newer. I'm not sure there are many feelings in this world like hopping in a newly waxed automobile.

It rained today.

About Boston

I've spent three weeks in this town, enough that I think I can offer the following observations. There is some decent public transportation here, but isn't New York City, so you'll likely need a car.

If you're driving, you need to grow thick skin. Drivers here are merciless. Just assume that someone wants to cut you off. And you have to cut people off yourself, otherwise you'll never get anywhere.

And speaking of the roads, pay no attention to the painted lines between lanes. Those are optional.

The cost of living, in comparison to Cincinnati, is ridiculous. Almost everything is more expensive here.

That said, proximity to beautiful views of the Atlantic Ocean have to come at some cost.

That said, I'm here in May. If I had to endure to weather between November and March, I'd change move south.

The architecture is pretty rad. The school is out on the North Shore of Boston, all of which looks like it's out of a movie. Absolutely gorgeous.

The accents are precious. I lingered a couple of days ago to hear a typical Boston conversation just because it sounded awesome.

If I were a seafood guy (which I'm not), I'd love this place. I paid homage, though, and sampled the fare.

The roast beef is the big local food. I get it, and it's tasty, but it doesn't pull me in.

I find the downtown area irresistible. The mixture of water and hills reminds me of Cincinnati.

Cannot get a fountain Coke here unless you go to a fast food joint and pay out the yin yang. I've abstained, missing my UDF.

Once you're out of the car, the people are incredibly friendly. Nice folk.

It's such a cool place, but an annoying place at the same time. But I guess all big cities are like that. If I'm gonna be away from home, might as well be in a place like this.

Seriously. I mean it.

This is my blog. There are many others like it, but this one is mine. Yes, this place has been a barren wasteland of world wide web real estate recently; this is only my 8th blog post of the year. But I think I needed to step away for awhile.

I'm writing this from Boston, working out my second doctoral residency. In the time between my first doctoral residency and now, I feel like I condensed a few years of life into this past one. A list of things from my life from my last year:

• Our daughter started all-day kindergarten
• Took a new job within the University, working in the marketing/digital field.
• Completed the first chapter of my doctoral thesis
• Had to move the location of Echo Church
• Had to get settled into a new church location
• Lost a good friend to cancer
• Taught five college courses
• Spoke at a Christian Teen Convention
• Ran two marathons
• Helped oversee bringing in Tim Tebow to CCU
• Preached dozens of sermons

But the biggest reason I've kept from blogging is that I'm doing an immense amount of writing currently. In writing my thesis, and overseeing social media, websites, and blogs, I'm constantly crafting words. When I get home at night, I just want to decompress and watch Top Gear. And if I do post on the web, I want to tweet. 140 characters doesn't seem as imposing as a blog post.

Yet as much as a whine about a busy life, everyone's life is busy. And I've been using it as an excuse. Apologies for my laziness. It needs to change.

So I'm going to start posting more regularly again.

Seriously. It'll happen.

I've enjoyed this blog immensely. I don't want to feel embarrassed at the lack of content. So now I write again.

If Only I Blogged . . .

In a few weeks, I will likely unpack the various reasons for my lack of posting this year. But I just wrapped up a fantastic Easter weekend that I care to recap briefly:

• Ran 16 miles on Friday, still on pace for my fifth marathon in May
• Stopped by Fairview to see Kaelyn during her lunch time. I love that she loves I'm there.
• Snuck out afterward with Kelly to enjoy "big people's" lunch with Kelly.
• Headed to Columbus to speak three messages at the Ohio Teens For Christ Convention.
• While there, I was able to hang around the Austin-based band Price Hill, OSU campus minister Seth Aldridge, my Cincy compadre Jade Kendall, and many other people that made my weekend joyful.
• Returned home Saturday to help Kaelyn pull her second tooth.
• Celebrated a joint-Resurrection Sunday Service with the Cincinnati Church of the Brethren.
• Was able to spend this afternoon with my parents, siblings, and siblings' spouses and kids (and I apparently did better hiding the eggs this year).
• Saw my sports teams perform well, with the Reds coming from behind to win and ManUnited pulling clear of ManCity, ever closer to their 20th title.
• Spent the late evening finally completing our 2011 taxes—another refund year.

I feel somewhat exhausted but rather satisfied. On the radar in the next six weeks, there's CCU's Tim Tebow event, the Flying Pig Marathon, and my second doctoral residency in Boston.

It's the interesting life, eh?

Confessions of a Chameleon

"Maybe I should scare the President," I wondered aloud to the people in the conference room. "I dare you," prodded Judy.

Oh, it was on.

There was a perfectly obscured spot right out of view of the glass doors. I waited until Dr Faust, Cincinnati Christian University's President, finished his trek up the hill towards the Welcome Center, right as he entered the doors. Suddenly and loudly I exclaimed, "GLAD TO SEE YOU THIS AFTERNOON, SIR" at which time he jumped back a foot. There was a smile on his face, but he vowed retribution.

It might not help my job security, but it's good times nonetheless.

You see, even past my childhood years, I've appreciated the element of surprise. Maybe it's one of the few tactics that a height-challenged person such as myself can employ, but there are very few things as enjoyable as innocently surprising someone. I mean you no harm, but if I have the opportunity to find a good hiding spot, I'll likely take advantage of it.

I fully embraced it in the early days of our marriage. Kelly and I lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment and entertainment options were less plentiful then. If I got bored, I'd search for a creative hiding place—in a closet, under a desk, or even in the shower (she punched me hard in the chest for that one). As we moved up to bigger abodes, I held back on the hiding since it wasn't as challenging; also, I didn't think it fair to hide from her in a large house, thereby creating a complete atmosphere of fear. So over the past few years, I purposely allowed my hiding skills to lapse.

But things have changed. Now that Kaelyn is getting older, and loves being scared, I've picked it up again. I figure that our townhouse is smaller and there are now multiple people to frighten, my hiding is a little less scary. Kaelyn absolutely loves it; it must be in her DNA. It's almost a daily challenge between the two of us of who can hide the best. It's a process: I'm teaching her that hiding can't be predictable: this isn't Hide-And-Go-Seek. It's no fun hiding when people are expecting it. The key is the element of surprise. And it's also important to work some gamesmanship. In the morning, before she comes in my room, I throw the pillows under the covers to make her think I'm still in the bed before popping out at her. And she's started doing the same thing in her bed.

I'm training her to become a hiding Jedi.

So if Kaelyn or I randomly jump out at you, I apologize in advance. It's in our nature.

Better by the Year

I'm kinda excited about putting 2011 to sleep. In many ways, this was a difficult year; I'm pretty sure that it was my toughest pastoral year, as I was continually engaging unexpected issues. Additionally, my father had a heart attack at the beginning of the year, Kelly lost her grandfather at the end of the year, and in between numerous friends had illnesses and deaths in their families. I'm not sure the year was jinxed, but it sure did feel that way. But in looking back, it wasn't entirely bad. I enjoy some statistics, so I had a bit of fun reminiscing on my 2011 by the numbers. This year I . . .

• Took a (one) new position at Cincinnati Christian University (I still have to explain more about this sometime).
• Helped organize a (one) major convention.
• Ran two marathons.
• Wrote two lessons.
• Saw three concerts.
• Performed four weddings.
• Led four community walking tours.
• Taught four college courses (and one graduate course)
• Moved our church space after six years.
• Spent twenty nights in hotel rooms.
• Preached fifty-one sermons.
• Traveled some 10,000 miles (fortunately, however, for a short commute).

I enjoy looking back like this because I feel like I sucked the life out of this past year. But I simultaneously struggle because I know I both a) wasted some time as a result of laziness and b) devoted some serious time to projects that were wastes of time. Everything's a learning experience, so I might have actually grown during those failures, but I'd like to maximize efficiency. There's not much space for me to accomplish more in 2012, but I know I can do better.

And that's my word for 2012: "better." Sure, it's not a specific resolution, but I think it'll prove helpful. If I focus on preaching better, leading better, teaching better, and being present with my family better, I'm sure the year will feel like a success.

So here's to all of us making this a better New Year!

Dead Blog? Nope. It's Just Chuck Testa.

I'm on vacation between now and the end of the year so I'm not only having a blast (can't beat hanging with the family), but also knocking some things off the to-do list: read some books, change out some shower heads, and do some website work. Yep, if you're reading this through a feed, you can head on over to houseofcarr.com to see the new look. This past November marked the seventh year of this site and I'm still thankful it exists. I started it before Kaelyn was born, before we started Echo, and before I hit my thirties. I've written nearly 1,600 posts in that time, and appreciate the opportunity to look back and reflect on experiences through things I wrote. Going through some of my older posts today, I noticed that my writing has developed steadily in style and substance. I think I'm easier to read now. Thanks for your patience.

But I've severely ignored the blog for awhile. Even though I've probably written a dozen, "it's been a long time since I last posted" articles over the years, I feel like I have some legitimate excuses for this current drought. Among them:

• I'm just plain busy. I have a day job, a night/weekend job, and a few other side jobs that soak up some time.
• The advent of social media. Even though I used my blog to question the viability of both Facebook and Twitter, I've utilized them more over the past couple of years because of the immediacy of use. When I first started this blog, MySpace was barely a year old, so a blog was the main way to get your voice out into cyberspace. I don't have the patience to write an entire post on my iPhone, but I can spit out 140 characters on it.
• I'm writing in other places. Since 2007, I've been steadily emerged in academic studies; a couple of weeks ago I finished the first chapter of my doctoral thesis. All that writing has affected the writing I do for leisure.

I don't want to wait until I wrap up my degree in order to devote more time to the blog, so I'm going to try to revive it. I'm hoping 2012 will be a House of Carr renaissance. We'll see if I'm all talk.

By the way, the blog title is a reference to my favorite YouTube video of 2011. Check it out here.

Wander Indiana

This past weekend I took a light run around Indianapolis. A 26.2 mile run.

I was a little disappointed after a somewhat soggy Flying Pig Marathon in the spring so I decided to go far a fall marathon. My two criteria: I wanted it to be nearby and I wanted it to be flat. Fortunately, Indianapolis' Monumental Marathon fit the bill.

After three marathons in my hometown, traveling to a race was a peculiar experience. I had to get up to Indy the day before, rent a hotel, and do a drive around town to familiarize myself with the course. Adding to the experience was that I encouraged the girls NOT to join me; obviously, I would've loved their presence, but the marathon expo closed early and we would have had to take Kaelyn out of school for me to make it on time. So I ran the entire marathon and saw absolutely no one that I knew.

Fortunately, the weather was almost perfect (just a little cool for my liking though), without a cloud in the sky. Some reflections of the day so I can remember it later on:

• It was cold in the morning. I was going back and forth whether to go short sleeves or long sleeves. It was just cool enough that I went long sleeves and I fully appreciated the decision. I just don't warm up well anymore.
• While the race was smaller/more simplistic than the Flying Pig, it was a pretty well-run organization. The crowds were fairly small, but they were incredibly encouraging.
• Indianapolis' downtown isn't as big as I thought it was. I'm often hanging out at the Convention Center, at the fringe of downtown, so running around gave me some good perspective. I'd say it's not any bigger than Cincinnati's Central Business District. Because of all the flat land, however, the homes near downtown had yards (something of a rarity in Over-the-Rhine).
• Most of my time in Indy has been around the suburbs, so I was very impressed with the beauty of the neighborhoods close to downtown. The northernmost portion of the course was in the trendy Broad Ripple area, but the surrounding neighborhoods were just as impressive. There were some beautiful old buildings along the course.
• My only complaint is that they didn't provide enough Gatorade. There was plenty of water to be had, but I prefer Gatorade early to store up for the end of the race. I avoided much of the water so I didn't get too slogged down in the middle of the race, but this left me slightly dehydrated at the end. My last two miles were by far my slowest.
• The race ended at the state capitol. There were people just past the finish line pushing petitions to change the state of Indiana back to the Central Time Zone. I walked on by, preferring to avoid such religiously charged political issues.

I finished the race with a personal best: 3 hours and 45 minutes. I was somewhat satisfied with my time. I had some a foot strain that prevented me from getting my long runs in, but I had no pain at all during the race. I'm figuring that I'm within ten minutes or so of my top possible speed. I just don't think my body is built for much more than that.

And congrats to my cousin's wife Michelle who ran the half-marathon and finished strong.

Not sure what I'll do next. I've passed that point where I'm trying to do something and now starting to explore what I can do. I'm sure I'll run the Flying Pig next year but after that . . . maybe more wandering.

Not Quite Lazy

Haven't had the chance to write much lately. In the past four weeks, the world at the House of Carr has been spinning even faster.

• Kaelyn started all-day kindergarten and a 13-year journey in public education.
• Kelly transitioned to life without constant Kaelyn presence.
• Kelly greatly expanded her volunteer role, with Echo and multiple other ventures.
• I wrapped up a sermon series on minor prophets, preached a sermon from the Apocrypha and am starting through the Gospel of Mark.
• I'm training for a marathon that I may/may not run in November.
• I attended a local conference sponsored by a young professionals organization.
• I took a new position within Cincinnati Christian University (teaser—more news on this soon).
• As a result, I'll be moving offices down the hall, forcing an array of logistical issues.
• I'm waiting to transition jobs until we get this current recruiting class enrolled next week.
• We had dinner with Papi and Heidi, our missionaries in Poland.
• I'm doing a wedding this weekend for Terry and Laura from Echo Church (our second Echo wedding).
• I'm doing another wedding in six days for some other friends.
• We're still negotiating to purchase the church building we're currently renting.
• Just in case Echo is forced to move, we're exploring other rental possibilities within the neighborhood.

I'm not complaining; a busy life is far from boring. I'm just justifying my lack of content as of late. I'm sure I'll have something more substantive to read soon.

Keep Truckin'

Sure, it's Father's Day, and that's awesome, but today marks another special occasion: Ten years ago today I bought my Ford Explorer.

I bought it when I was first employed at CCU (and now I'm back working there) from Walt Sweeney Ford on Glenway Avenue. It had 20,000 miles on it and it's now at 125,000 miles; we always use Kelly's more fuel-efficient car for longer trips. It's been an incredibly useful SUV, as I can haul people and various other cargo. And I do refer to it as a truck, because it is. I'm not sure I'll go the SUV route when its days are over, but I'm hoping that won't be for quite a long time. I'm hoping to drive it until it dies

It's by far the longest I've ever owned any one vehicle. The Exploder and I have been through a lot together:

• A trip to Florida
• One accident (lady t-boned me when she ran a red light)
• A rebuilt engine (under an almost expired warranty, thankfully)
• One break-in (and two unsuccessful attempts)
• A continual problem with an Internal Air Control Valve (if you hit it with a hammer, it works longer)
• And hundreds of assorted memories

I'm not sure how many more years I'll get out of her, but me and this car are close. I'm looking forward to running it into the ground.

Thievery and Duct Tape

I learned the lesson a few years ago not to leave anything valuable in my car. At that time, they stole a bunch of crappy tech equipment we used in starting our church. Since my car is parked out on the street, a major thoroughfare for people in the neighborhood, I know seedy people walking by check to see if they can swipe something. Such is city life. Almost a year ago, the automatic door lock on my driver's side broke. So even though you could open the door, the alarm was still activated. Someone tried to break in last year, but was frightened away by the honking horn. I knew at that time I needed to fix it, even ordering the broken part but . . . well, you know how priorities can change. This past Monday morning at 2am the car alarm went off again; yet another person attempted to break into my vehicle. I walked out to survey the scene and my door was partially open. So with that as motivation, I decided to take time the next morning and stop ignoring the issue.

It's crazy that I never took the time to fix the door. The reason I let something like that fester for over a year is because I knew it would be a pain; taking the door apart is a piece of cake but putting it back together is ridiculous. When I finally got it taken apart I realized that the part I thought I needed to replace wasn't actually broken. A nut fastening the automatic door mechanism to the door itself was gone, and I wasn't going to able to replace it.

I needed a hack.

It was time for the duct tape.

I was able to secure the mechanism to the inner wall of the door with duct tape. I thought I was good to go and was putting the door back together when I realized that I inadvertently taped it to the automatic window. I had to make two different attempts but I was successful. In the ten years of owning my Explorer, it was my first duct tape repair.

Is there a lesson here? I'll try.

First, don't put off those pesky little tasks. They're never as bad as you think.

And second, there's nothing that duct tape can't fix.

Type(Up)Setting

What started by a simple Facebook posting about good grammar turned into a virtual cyber-throwdown. I found an article on Slate stating that people should cease to hit the space bar twice after a period ending a sentence. The article asserts that people began to use two spaces because of old typewriters; it made it easier to distinguish between sentences when reading. Yet these typewriters were retired in the 1970's, meaning the need for two spaces evaporated with them. And yet, almost 40 years later, many people still hold to this antiquated practice. Interestingly enough, my brother informed me today that the American Psychological Association (protectors of the APA style of writing papers) still requires two spaces. A little investigation on my own revealed that this decision was a recent reversal, and was supposed to be limited to drafts.

Regardless of where you come down on the spacing issue, step back and look at this: the reason we started two spacing was a way of adapting to the current technology. But then the technology evolved, making two spaces unnecessary, and teachers everywhere still continued to enforce the statute. You have to wonder why, and the only explanation I have is the what that drives my perplexity about all of this:

BECAUSE THAT IS HOW I WAS TAUGHT.

Like most of you, I was taught many a thing throughout my youth. Even though mine was a public education, I feel that my school district did an above average job of giving me the tools with which to succeed. I had a wide range of teachers—some excellent, some pathetic—but, regardless, I was stuffed with knowledge. As a tribute, I still keep my (miniature) high school diploma on my desk at work.

But over the years, I came to discover that some of the things I was taught throughout my youth was incorrect.

I don't blame the teachers for purposely leading me astray; remember: these were the days before the worldwide web. Specific nuggets of wisdom were more difficult to verify and wives' tales and rumors were passed down through generations as if they were the law. Technology has now given all of us access to unfettered information and we can now fact check for ourselves things that sound fishy. SIDEBAR: this is why many of you still need to bookmark Snopes in your web browser. I'm tired of your emails telling me Facebook is shutting down on March 15th.

You see, as I grew older, I figured out how to distinguish between fact and fiction. I "traded in" incorrect knowledge for more accurate fare and continue to go about my life. I fully recognize that I'm not done with this process. I'm sure there are things I know to be true today that I will discard in the future when they're proved to be false. It's how life works.

Perhaps this speaks to the point of the recently released study of college grads. New York University sociologist Richard Arum spent the last half of last decade studying a group of college students. Almost half of the students made no improvement in their critical thinking, reasoning or writing skills after two years time. After four years, thirty-six percent of the students still hadn't developed. They went through higher education, but did not advance in their thinking. I hope they at least mastered Call of Duty.

We're approaching an era where merely possessing facts won't cut it; more and more people will use the interwebs as their factual cheat, similar to the way we use a calculator for mathematics. But it will be critical that people are able to discern fact from opinion and run with it. Those who cannot will be mired in the past and be viewed like someone . . . well . . . who still uses a typewriter.

You might have been taught to use two spaces but it's time to give it up. Live in the now, man. Live in the now.

It's Not My Idea

Today at the office a prospective student informed my that he prayed about his college application and the Holy Spirit informed him that he shouldn't hand in his old college transcripts; he was led into making a fresh start. I love it when the Spirit meddles in academic affairs.

Tonight, we ate out with friends at El Rancho Grande (a.k.a. the best Mexican food this side of the border) and our server was a man named Jesus.

And then I thought, "what if?"

If I wrote out on a piece of paper the following message:

"Sir, you should really hand in your old college transcripts."

And if I then gave the message to our server and have him read it out loud.

And if tomorrow, when I get into the office, I call this student and say, "I talked to Jesus and he said, 'Sir, you should really hand in your old college transcripts'. And since Jesus trumps the Holy Spirit, you should call that college ASAP."

I decided, instead, to eat more salsa.

This Year Just Feels New

It's funny how a new calendar makes us feel different. It's like when you pull out that new pair of gym shoes an inhale the glorious newness. I haven't accomplished nearly as much as would've liked to in this first week of the year, but perhaps that's because I'm still smelling my shoes. Whatever that means.

Unlike the days of my youth, I'm not struggling to remember to write the correct year. Perhaps it's because I rarely write checks anymore, but upon the completion of this first full week, I'm well aware that it's 2011. I have yet to correct myself writing the wrong year. Huzzah.

No huge resolutions for me, just some tuning up. Among other things:

• I'm slowly trying to cut back my Diet Coke intake. Do not be alarmed: I'm not eliminating it, just moderating it. I'm kinda ashamed to admit how much I was consuming per day. I find myself drinking more iced-tea. Still not drinking a ton of water. The agua around the office should be treated as if it's from a developing country— avoided at all cost.
• Trying to get to bed earlier. Thus far, I've failed miserably. But teaching a late night class out of town on Mondays has skewed the rest of the week. We'll see how that works out.
• I'm back to training for the Flying Pig Marathon. This would mark my fourth Pig, and my third 26.2. I feel like I'm finally figuring out how to do this thing. So we'll see if I can avoid injury and achieve a personal best this spring.

One more thing: since turning thirty-five, I've been wondering about my eyes. Today I actually had to increase the font size on my internet browser. I feel like I'm starting to strain to read very small print. I'm fully aware that I'm going to need reading glasses some day. Perhaps it's time for a return trip to the optometrist. Unfortunately, I just bought a long term set of contacts. Brilliant, eh?

Maybe I'll blog a bit more too. That would be novel.

My Humorous Birthday

Many thanks to those who overloaded my Facebook page with birthday greetings. The hardest thing I had to do today was delete all those email notifications. I asked for jokes and you delivered. Multiple people offered up, "a man walked into a bar . . ." joke. Two kids were able to submit the "spell 'i cup.'" Classic. And then there's my daughter's submission: "What's your name?" You say: Daddy. "What's this?" You: nose. "What's in my hands?" You: nothing. "Daddy knows nothing!" Sorry I didn't attribute the name to each joke, but here they all are. And scroll to the end to see who won joke of the birthday.

· A pirate captain walks into the local tavern. The bar tender notices that attached to the front of the pirates pants is the 3 foot steering wheel from a ship. It's very large and awkward and very clearly makes it difficult for the pirate to walk. But, dubloons are dubloons, s...o the bar tender keeps his mouth shut, and the pirate orders a beer. For a long time, the pirate sits uncomfortably at the bar trying to drink. He changes positions, he stands up, he sits down, he leans against the bar. He is very clearly uncomfortable. Finally, when the bar tender can stand no longer he asks the pirate captain, "Hey there friend, I hope you don't mind me asking, but why is there a ships wheel attached to your crotch?" The pirate captain looks at the barkeep with his good eye and says, "Arr, matey! It's drivin' me nuts!"

· 83 fish in a tank, 27 drowned. How many fish are left? STOP COUNTING SILLY! Fish cant drown!

· Why was the baby strawberry sad? Because her mom got in a jam.

· Why was Piglet looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.

· Knock knock Who's there. Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, I'm drownding.

· What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? Elephino???

· Why do mailmen drive red, white, and blue trucks? To deliver the mail!

· Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow? A: A birthday pheasant!

· "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

· What did the hat say to the other hats on the hatrack? You stay here while i go on ahead

· What does the cow read every morning? The moooooospaper.

· Why should you never let a pokemon see you change clothes? Because he might pichachu.

· Why did the turtle cross the road? to get to the Shell Station.

· "Why did the police officer stay in bed? Because he was working under cover."

· A fish is swimming along, runs into a wall, and screams "dam"

· A skeleton sits down at a bar; he orders a beer and a mop...

· Robin: My sister went on vacation. Steve: Jamaica? Robin: No - She wanted to go!

· A priest, a rabbi and a whale walk into a bar. The priest says I'll have red wine as a reminder of the sacramental wine. The rabbi says I'll have kosher wine as a reminder of the covenant between the Jewish people and God. The whale says... WHHAAAAHHHAAAAAAAAAAA.

· Two Blonds drove 12 hours on a trip to Disney World. They were almost to their destination when they passed a sign saying "Disney World Left". They both started crying and turned around and started for home

· Knock Knock... Who's there?.... Lettuce.... Lettuce who?.... Let us be friends

· An elderly woman walked into a country church. The Usher greeted her and asked where she would like to sit. Front row she said. Usher said she really didn't want to do that because the preacher is really boring. The lady asks if he knew who she is and informed him she was the preachers mother. Usher asks if she knew who he was and when she said NO he replied GOOD and left.....

· Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows? They're making head lines!

· Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.

· Why are celebrities so cool? 'Cause they have a lot of fans.

· Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!

· What did the brown chick say to the brown cow? Brown-chicka brown-cow!

· Hundreds of years ago, the Pope decided to kick the Jews out of the Vatican. The Jews weren't pleased, so they convinced the bishops to let them debate the issue. Since their best debater, a man named Shlomo, didn't speak any Latin they decided to have a silent debate. Shlomo sat across the table from the Pope. The Po...pe held up three fingers. Shlomo held up one. The Pope made a circular gesture around his head. Shlomo pointed at the table. The Pope took out some wine and a wafer. Shlomo took out an apple. The Pope stood up and conceded the debate. Later on, the bishops asked the Pope what happened. "He had an answer for everything!" he said. "I showed him three fingers referring to the trinity, but he held up one to remind us of the one God we share. I told him God was all around us,... but he pointed out that God was right here with us too. I brought out some wine and a wafer to remind him of the cleansing of our sins, and he took out an apple to remind us of the original sin. It was too much." Later on, the Jews were asking Shlomo what happened. "Well, it was weird," he said. "He said we had three days to get out. I said not a single one of us is leaving. He told me that everyone around us wanted us gone, but I said we're staying right here." "And then what?" someone asked. "Well, he took out his lunch and I took out mine."

· A no-armed man goes into a church and asks if he can get a job there. The man he talks to says, "The only job we have is the person who tells our bell ringer when to ring the bell every hour." The no-armed man accepts the job.The next day o...n his first day of work, he tries to find the man to tell him it's two o'clock. When he cannot find the man, he panics and rings the bell by banging his forehead against it. Only afterward does he realize that the man he was looking for was on the other side of the bell tower. Unfortunately, the man is so surprised, he falls off the tower and onto the street below. By some miracle, he survives. After pushing his way through a crowd that had gathered around the man, the town mayor comes to the man and asks: "Who did this to you?" The man responds, "I don't remember his name, but his face rings a bell."

· What's the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when he hits the windsheild?--his butt!.

· Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

· Me: What's a pirate's favorite letter? You: That's easy - RRRRRRRRRR! Me: You'd think it's RRRRRRRRRR, but it's actually the C (said in my best pirate voice)

· What is the Loudest State? Illi-Noise.

· What did the buffalo say to his son as he was leaving? Bison!

· When cannon balls have kids, what are they called? Bee bees.

· What did the snail say on the Turtle's back?"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

· If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

· A mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender takes one look at him, says, "Hey you! Get outta here!" The mushroom responds, "What's the big deal? I'm a fun guy."

· Two chocolate chip cookies are sitting in an oven, baking. One turns to the other and says, "Man, it's getting hot in here!" The second replies, "Ah! A talking cookie!"

· Two peanuts were walking in a park and one was a salted.

· Have you heard the one about the invisible man? Eh, there's not much to it.

· A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of his office and asked them to disperse. But why? they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

· What happens when you scare a machine? It runs.

· It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.The human head weighs 8lbs. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster then a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman... has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb:)

· A guy goes into the market to buy brains for dinner (yes, some people eat them like scrambled eggs). Cows brains are $4.50/ lb., pigs brains $3.50/lb. Then he notices a sign that says UK graduate brains $2.00/lb. and U of L graduate brains $20/lb. He asks the butcher why the U of L graduate brains are so costly. The butcher says "do you know how many U of L graduates we had to harvest to get this many brains?"

· Why do gorillas have big fingers? Because they have big nostrils.

· How do you top a car? You tep on the brake tupid.

· Knock knock Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry it's only a joke.

· What is a singer's favorite part of a meal? The main Chorus!

· After the six campers were discovered missing from their tents the state police began to canvas the area.

· A man went to his dentist because he felt something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examined him and said, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replied, "All I can think of is that about four months ago, my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it... that was delicious...hollandaise sauce! I love it so much now that I put it on everything -- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything!"The dentist said, "Well, that's probably it. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll have to make you a new one, and this time, I'll use chrome" "Why chrome?" asked the patient. "It's simple," said the dentist. "Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

· St. Peter has to run an errand and asks Jesus to cover the Pearly Gates for him one day. "It's not too hard," says St. Peter. "Just ask them a few questions about their life -- what they did, their family, that sort of thing." So Jesus opens the gates and starts talking to people, sending some down and letting others in. He's getting to the end of the day when he sees an old man shuffling up. "Tell me about yourself, good sir." "Well, I was a carpenter by trade, and I have a son that people love very much." Jesus looks into the man's eyes and says, "Father?" And the old man squints and says, "Pinocchio?"

· Why does Santa Claus wear red? (wait for it, wait for it) Oh, just be-clause.

· Knock Knock Who's there? Mary! Mary who? Mary Christmas and a Happy New Year!

· What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite!

1. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

2. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

3. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding."

Yep, all those were great. But the winner, without a doubt, is the one was personalized a probably took way too long. Thanks, Byron Williams.

A few years ago Steve Carr burst into a meeting of higher level management leadership at NASA headquarters and exclaimed, “I’ve devised an intricate algorithm that will allow NASA to send a manned mission to the Sun.” Almost everyone in t...he room burst out laughing. “That’s funny”, shouted someone from the back of the room, “are you one of those birthday joke-grams?” “No”, said Steve, “I hold advance degrees from two prestigious Cincinnati universities, and I hope to someday study for my doctorate at a school in the Northeast, so you know I know what I’m talking about.” While several murmured grudging approval for Steve’s credentials, the deputy director of NASA piped in (with not too little condescension), “Look, a third grader in this country knows you can’t get within a million miles of the Sun without burning up.” Steve shouted back defiantly,” not with my patent-pending algorithm! Once again we will lead the word in space technology.”

“Ok,” said the Director of NASA, while we’re waiting on security, why don’t you enlighten us.”

“Well, began Steve, it’s really quite simple, I don’t know why you didn’t think of it before. But all you have to do…is travel at night.”

Epilogue: Steve Carr now works in a windowless basement office in a non-descript building somewhere in the Midwest. The rumor that Steve is now on the FBI, NSA and several other black-op type watch lists remains unproven.

If A Blog Falls In The Forest . . .

. . . does anyone notice? Yesterday marked six years of this blog. Huzzah.

I know I should write more, but the mere fact that I still post occasionally (this makes 48 posts for 2010—almost one post a week), still makes this a legitimate endeavor.

I'm glad I can do it. Good times.